Anyways. This morning when I read about the birth of John, even though the bible talks about how an angel appeared and a child was conceived in a barren womb, I couldn't stop thinking about how Zechariah couldn't speak all the way until the baby was born just because he was a little dubious. I mean, in all honesty, I think I doubt a lot of things. I am pretty science-y in the sense that I don't really believe things unless they can be proven by science. But I do believe in God, and that Jesus died on a cross so that I could have an intimate relationship with Him. This reminds me of a passage that Pastor Daniel was talking about... he said something about being renewed in "the spirit of our mind," and how that is a seemingly contradictory statement. After years of being a christian, I still find myself constantly asking "how do I get closer to God?" Of course, I know the church answers... read the bible, pray, go to church, have faith... but the problem is that yes, there is the part that I can control, and there is also the part that I can't really control. I need to be renewed in the spirit of my mind. There is a part that only God can do. It's like, God has the gift that I need, but I need to accept it. Ironically, anyone who knows me knows that I have a really hard time accepting gifts. So sometimes God needs to go to extremes or tell me something in multiple ways... and even then, I don't get it.
So anyways, I think I went on a huge tangent there... but moving on... this morning, I was looking for a parking spot, and I saw a car with the engine on in a spot that was right by the train. I knew that car was going to leave soon, so I waited. But then another car came behind me and I had to go around the block. I drove quick because I didn't want the spot to be taken. But of course, when I got back, I saw a car pulling into the spot. I was pretty annoyed. And then I had to drive around the block a good three more times before I finally found a spot that my car barely fit into. At this point, I was mad. Then I felt like God was reminding me of Jonah, and how even though God wanted to use him to save His people, he was crazy and stubborn and jumped into the water. And then later, he was complaining that it was so hot outside, so God made a vine to give him some shade, but then Jonah got really mad when the vine died. I am Jonah. I get mad about stuff all the time when I have no right to be mad. Everything I have is by the grace of God, and so even if the thing gets taken away, it was still the grace of God that allowed me to have it for that period of time. How can I get mad about having something that I didn't deserve to have at all? I don't know, but somehow, I still manage to do so. If you read Jonah 4, Jonah sounds ridiculous. But sadly, I am Jonah.
Fanny Crosby was rendered blind as an infant, due to a doctor's mistake, and she praised God her whole life, saying that it was a blessing that she was blind because if she had sight, she might have been distracted by all the things she could see. She says that even if she was offered sight, she would not take it, because this way, the first face she ever sees will be that of her blessed Savior.
God used Jonah. God used Fanny Crosby. God has even used me. None of us were deserving of God's mercy, but through all these stories, God's mercy remains constant.
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