Storms

After Jesus was teaching and healing all day, he tells his disciples that they should cross over to the other side of the lake, so they all get in a boat. Jesus lays down to take a nap because he's had a long day. Soon after they leave, it starts storming like crazy and the boat starts to fill up with water. The disciples start freaking out and wake Jesus up frantically yelling, "Don't you care if we drown??" Jesus wakes up, rebukes the wind and waves and says, "Silence! Be still!" Everything calms down.

Then Jesus says,"Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Even though I know that God created the world and is sovereign over all creation, I still get so scared when bad things happen. I think that God is sleeping and doesn't care about what is going on. Even when Jesus was sleeping on the boat, he was in control of the wind and the waves. I highly doubt that he would have let the storm sink the boat that he and the disciples were on. But the disciples still freaked out.

I'm freaking out now. I'm sad, I'm scared, I don't know what to do, and I can't seem to find the faith that I should be able to have in a God who calms the wind and the waves. I know I am never alone because God has promised that He will never leave or forsake me, but I feel alone. God asks, "Why are you afraid?" It's because I don't truly know the character of God. I don't know and believe that God cares more about the people in my life than I ever could. I don't know and believe that God's heart breaks when mine does, because if I did, I would not feel alone. God asks, "Do you still have no faith?" I guess I don't. Trusting in someone only when you don't really need to isn't really trusting them. I wish for a lot of things; I wish gaining faith was simple and formulaic, I wish bad things didn't happen to good people, I wish the path to things we want wasn't so hard all the time, I wish I was in control of my life...

But there's no power in that. If things were easy and perfect all the time, then I wouldn't feel the need for God, and I can very confidently say that a life without God is meaningless. I wish I could say "BRING IT ON!!" because I am now ready to face life head-on. Maybe one day... but that day is not today...